So I found out that I was pregnant.
And I have so many questions. Mostly it's about the pregnancy itself. And the time after my child is born. I talked to my best friend about this and she said:
"You are a babysitter! You're lookin' after kids for years now. You know what to do."
Huh. Never thought about that. I started babysitting when I was 13. I don't wanna sound arrogant or something, but I am a really good babysitter. Kids seem to love me the moment I step into a house. It's a bit weird sometimes.
Anyways, my friend is right. I know how to handle kids. BUT, those kids weren't my own.
This is an important fact for me. Don't get me wrong, I never, NEVER hurt the kids I babysat on purpose, nor did I teach them stupid things. Never! But there is this this thought in my mind that says: Would you do the same with your own child?
I just don't know whether all this experience is enough. I don't know what kind of mom I'll be.
I don't know anything.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
A few weeks ago, my fiancé told me that he wouldn't mind starting a family.
I didn't know what to say. I always thought that men don't want children too soon.
Yeah, my picture of a man is very old-fashioned. An unmarried man likes to party with his friends, not looking after children. I know, this is a cliché. But it's kinda stuck in my head.
That is why I was so surprised that my fiancé told me about his desire to start a family. He is a really good man, I don't have any doubt about this. He's always reasonable and he's rarely acting childish. (Imagine a typical teacher. That's pretty much how sexy M. is like).
I thought about kids frequently, but now that there was a real plan (or at least a wish) it scared me. I don't know how it's like to be responsible for a little human being. I mean, this is something BIG. I don't know how to be a good parent.
What is a good mother like? Strict? Or not strict at all? Or....or....or....
I had so many questions, but at the same time I knew that I wanted this, too. I want to start all this with him. It's him, he's Mr. Right.
So, I stopped taking the birth control pill. My doctor said that it would probably take a few months until I'd be pregnant. Fine with me.
We didn't start to do weird Kamasutra things. Just...you know, normal stuff. All was good.
Eight days ago I thought: "Oh no, tomorrow my monthly present's gonna arrive. Damnit."
It didn't. No signs of the red Lady.
Hmmm. Doctor said this could happen, since I stopped the pill. She said my hormones would probably be on a rollercoaster for a while.
Third day: red Lady wasn't here yet. I got a little nervous.
Seventh day: red Lady nowhere to be seen. Ok. Went to the pharmacy to buy a test. It took me two days to finally do it. Two days until I got my shit together. (Am I just a real sissy or did anyone of you too had this...fear?)
Anyways, this afternoon I made the test. I was alone at home.
It took 4 minutes until I had the result. 4 long minutes. I paced around in the bathroom, like an idiot.
To make a long story short (I know, this story already is long...), here's the result I got:
I guess it's baby time.